3 Steps to Taking the Fear out of ‘Will I be OK’ after my Divorce?
One of the most frequent questions I am asked is “will I be OK” after the divorce. This is every woman’s biggest fear in divorce! It is really the fear of the unknown. Being Ok may have a different meaning to different women. From over 8 years of working with women going through divorce including two of my own, I have found that the top three fears of the unknown after divorce are:
Will I have enough money? How can I make more money? and Will I ever be loved again?
Many people don’t even have a budget. I can help you tackle the fear of managing your finances. Now that’s not saying there won’t be issues to face or challenges to overcome. With my budgeting and credit online workshop I can guide you through the process and show you where there might be a shortfall or in some cases where there will be an overage in your new post-divorce budget. Following my ‘get out of debt’ steps can help put you in the right direction to purchase a new home, car, or just rebuild your credit.
Another fear after divorce is you either have to find a job or re-evaluate your career. I can help you determine how much money you need to make to cover your expenses, build up savings, and save for a comfortable retirement through my post-divorce program. You may want to ask yourself, am I making the money I deserve? Am I passionate about what I do every day? If you are not happy, then now is the time to take a good long look at your career, your passions, and the path you are taking towards your new direction. My #1 suggestion is to hire a life coach. Life coaches can be invaluable to guiding you towards working in your life purpose, help you uncover your passions and make you accountable to them.
Will I ever find love again? After my 2nd divorce I was terrified of men and to be honest just didn’t trust them. A therapist can help you get through past issues to help you move forward. Many churches offer divorce related support groups across the country, like Divorce Care®. I did both. I found a great therapist who helped me from choosing the wrong type of men and I attended the Divorce Care program in my local church. Through the Divorce Care class I pushed myself to interact with men and listen to their fears, struggles, and loss. My best advice is do NOT date until you get your head straight and can love yourself before you find the right person who can love the real you! Look for a relationship coach if you haven’t dated in a long time. Yes, they are out there because there is a need.
Now that you know you will be OK like many other women experiencing divorce, you can dust yourself off, learn from past mistakes, and be honest with yourself. It takes two to get married and two to get divorced. If you have children you will still be interacting with your ex-spouse. There is no better time than now to learn how to co-parent. Seek the help of a qualified parenting specialist who works with divorced couples. It will be well worth your time and money!
Now there is just some work to be done on yourself. Burying your head in the ground will only delay your growth. Grief over the loss of a marriage will take time and everyone reacts differently. Again, find a good counselor if you feel like you can’t do it alone. There are many women just like you who have survived and came out the other side stronger, wiser, and more confident. I’m living proof that, You will be OK!